Dear Abby, Where's Bae?

Dear, Abby

I’ve been self-employed working at Being Jazzy 4 U Inc. for seven long years now and I could really use a part-time business manager for starters to help me get through the later and early hours of my work day. I have posted signs around town,

SULTRY WANTED experience necessary

Oh I’ve glossed over a few applications here and there. It seems like all the qualified candidates are all Boo’d Up which leaves me with one-track minded riff raff pimp player shady mofos out to steal from my company. I need loyalty, commitment and dedication from my employees especially if I am going to consider them for a full-time position.

Just the other day, my flirtatious neighbor, Bob lost his eva-lovin’ mind when he saw me walking down the block. I’m not likely to turn my head for cat calls but I am a panther after all. “If you got it, flaunt it,” he yelled from across Spenard Rd. Bob is charming however he is not my cup of tea. I mean boys are cool and all but I must admit, Being Jazzy 4 U Inc. has some discriminatory policies. My company motto is “4 Women By Women”.

Abby, I’m just saying...all this right here is not a snack. All this black queer femme fineness is a full course meal... dark meat with red beans & rice, corn-on-the-cob and strawberry soda on the side.... more legs than a bucket of chicken on a holiday. But for whatever reason all that doesn’t help my company deficit much. I’m even intelligent witty independent classy and funny yet Abby I’m single af.

What do I do? Alaskan summers are short and you gotta snatch up a boo around here real quick because they are all taken by September. I don’t want to be cold this winter. Cold does not look good on me anymore.

-Big Boss Lady, Being Jazzy 4 U Inc.

Away Around the Way Girl

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